As I woke up today, I had this horrible feeling in my stomache. I realized that I was worried! I haven't felt that feeling in a while. Then I started thinking that I shouldn't be worried! I knew my friend and I was so sure of the result. But sometimes you just can't help feeling it. It is as natural as you take the next breath. The problem was that I couldn't wait and grew as impatient as ever. Everytime I hear that ringtone that tells you, you have a message I run to the mobile.
The message is opening..... still I have to wait. How many more moments will it take? Why is this torturing me? I never did anything wrong -well, a few times but not enough to have me tortured-. Yes, all of this crossed my mind in a matter of seconds. Finally, the message opened. Alas, it is no more than my friend whose words I don't recall at the moment. I, even threw the mobile and went back to help my mom, leaving the message unreplied and my poor friend wondering how I am doing. I came back to my senses and went and replied to the message.
And this situation repeated itself one more time! How cruel life can be sometime?! I kept thinking that delay only meant one thing. Bad News! I couldn't bear the thought and kept reminding myself of the fact that my friend will get what she deserves. After a couple of hours we went out, we went to eat out. This managed to keep my mind off this a bit. I kept talking, as it is the only thing I can be sure it will take some load off my shoulder. But after tons and tons of words spoken by my mouth I found this situation different and talking can no longer be of much help. I gave my mouth a rest and lost track of what was passing between my sister and my friend who kept the conversation alive. I started staring at the ground and my mind was still. It was in a state that it was unable of thinking any more.
As we were on our way back to our house, I was thrilled. There was no sign that I would know soon, it just gave me some hope at least. Suddenly the mobile rang its heavenly ringtone to let me know gently that there is a message waiting for me to see. I rapidly clicked 'show' and then the best suprise I got.... It was as if God's mercy fell on my heart. Such relief beyond my words to express, such innocent happieness!! I felt that my voice wouldn't handle the suprise and steal away my words and make them un-spoken! I was stronger than my voice and I made it break the news with the people in the car with me. All reacted the exact way I thought they would. I couldn't care less how they felt. All I could think of was this one person. How must her parents be proud, how her family was happy, how her friends were flying to see her joyous. But most important of all, how was she feeling? What state of happieness did she enter? After feeling the smile from cheek to cheek appear on my face, I normally would have tried to hide it. It always was and will be the 'stupid look' but this one time I pleaded please let it be. Let me look 'goofy' let me look the way I may look. My face was happy, I felt my face thanking me for giving it the librety of expressing the feelings. My face was happy to do my feelings justice.
Although this got me thinking, will I ever go through this? For -only- my sake! For myself who deserves all life offers to others. Myself who never wanted more than what I can get. For myself who is only a human trying to get all she can gets without stepping on others!!??
I could only think about this a few minutes because the situation was beyond this and deserved my full attention. Later on that day, I got even more sweeter suprises which I am stilling prayer that this would go on. All the best my friend because you only deserve what is more. You know that this is not cliche. This is coming straight from my heart!
PS: please don't thank me, nor comment on this my friend who you know that this was written for you.
Do what ever that may lead you to your goal. Because it is your goal, then you must realize that it is within your power to achieve it. It is so close to coming true and you know it deep within. Wait for none and explain to none why or what! Just break free from this life and its barriers! The beautiful sun shine is there, you just have to see it. Look closely.....