Sunday, October 24, 2010


This post is dedicated for the dozens of posts that never got published here but just stayed as drafts. I never got to publish them because I thought they were too personal, or silly or simply because I feel I talk about the same things over and over again.

I was just watching a TV talk show. They had a journalist, and the interviewer was asking her questions and all. One of the things she said was, 'when I was little I'd read the newspaper in front of the mirror' as in practicing being a newsreader.
It's all very nice, and I stand in awe in front of such people, who've stuck with their dream and really make it happen.

We're not all so fortunate. We may find ourselves in more subtle ways, than in a career. Yet, there is time, and hope!



This year of school has certainly had its ups and downs. And even though I'm still not ready to talk about some of the things that happened with other than my sister, I find it hard to not tread upon some of the stuff that took place recently.

It's probably the pressure of studies and getting good grades that seriously gets some people and make them behave in some ways. I, too, have been more stressed and touchy. I try to remain composed though and try to be positive no matter what. That is easier said than done, but on the whole I think I'm doing fairly well.
I didn't understand it when the other day my friend sent me an SMS telling me she considered me as a friend, and asked what I considered her to be. I thought the question weird, but replied saying she was one of my very good friends. And she is. I thought it weird she should question that after 2 years. We are good friends indeed, and we both love reading. She explained the following day that it was because of a friend she had for three years, whom she thought her friend, but one day a group of girls were talking, and this one girl was asked who she likes best from them, and she said she didn't consider them to be her friends.

I understand how such a situation might affect one's opinions of people, but if I also fall into that category then... I don't know what actually. I know I find it hard to express my feelings. That's the way with most arabs, either you find one doing it excessively or others not doing it at all. I find it hard to tell people how I feel about them. And I don't think I'm alone, it's tough talking to a person and telling them how much you appreciate having them in your life. Sometimes I think such things need not be said, they should be felt.



"Just think of what people might say!"
"Imagine what people think about us!"

Why do we care so much about what people think? I always wondered. It's normal, and that's what human beings do. Yet, when it's the first thing you think about.



So here are some updates, I don't have much time to post but I just feel like writing. We'll be applying soon to unis. It's a bit exciting thinking that life will change, and we'll be going into something new but for the most part it's worrying. All those expectations you have to live up to, and the uncertainties.


'Quack, Quack, Quack'

What is there left to write about? I've exhausted the topic of majors/unis and it's playing in my head all day that I simply can't (and will not yield to the temptation) go through it here.
The other day we visited a friend, a good friend let me add. She asks about us and we do likewise, and we enjoy hanging out together. She made us beautiful gifts, she put much heart into them. These past few days I've been thinking how my friends are, and that none of them takes interest in me, I will explain why later on. To be honest, I don't have that many friends in my offline life. I'm a friendly person but I choose not to get involved. My sister and I have each other, and that's enough for us. I'm not complaining for the lack of friends, I'm just asking myself why do I choose to appreciate some people too much? I find it that I pay more attention to some friends, and not as much to those who actually deserve that attention and I don't like myself much for that fact.

I will not carry on here on people and friends' personalities and try to analyze them, I have to remind myself of the fact that I am no expert on people though I sometimes believe that I am. We'll live on learning from our choices and our mistakes. I'd like to let friendships take their course, and do my part in them. Appreciate my friends, and that fact that they still check upon me, and stop exaggerating things and breaking down every gesture to million pieces. I'd blame myself, or my words that fail me while talking to friends. I expect them to take interest in what I say, when in return I do my part miserably and only care to speak, and hardly listen carefully.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to be a better friend and a better listener. I'd hate it if I continued blaming people for not doing their part.

I'm not saying anything to be honest, I just need to write about friends, because I've been thinking about that for a long time now. I don't want anybody to tell me I'm a good friend, but I just need to feel like a good one. The reason why I was thinking my friends didn't actually take interest in me because I feel that lately all I'm looking for is somebody to listen to what I have to say and not only listen but react and comment, when in fact I don't have anything worth mentioning. All I care about is being heard, but what about listening for a change? That would definitely do me some good.

The title is inspired by my current reading; The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank. Anne was talkative like me .



This summer has been some sort of a roller coaster to give it full justice. First we were waiting for the results (which seems ages ago now) then we got them, and we were ecstatic, then we've been to Dubai and to Jordan.
We had fun.
I realized the seriousness of the fact that I need to get out there and grab a life. Didn't seem such a hard thing when we were in Jordan really, we visited friends and hung out and went shopping and stuff. Here it seems to difficult.
I'm such a broken record. I go on and on about the same things. Perhaps I talk about them because I feel like I'm not doing much to change the things I feel need to be changed.

How can people while in an argument, only think of their point of view while you're left pondering every little point they mentioned, how is it that when it's something concerning your future they can totally disregard your wishes and ask you to think of what they went through and how they want you to do "better".
Don't you sometimes wish you lived somewhere else? Where all kinds of jobs were appreciated? Where you could actually think of many options, not just the three I always had to think of, and then decide what is it you really wanted to do!
See I don't know if I'm complaining or not, I have faith that Allah will help us through,


"So you're pretty sure this is what you really want?"
So this is the story of my life at the moment, majors and universities and all that talk that makes you just want to cry. Is it normal, I wonder, this state of indecisiveness we're in?
Perhaps it is, and everyone went through it but I don't think it was the same. Nothing is ever the same, don't you agree? We may go through the same things but it's different because we're not the same.
I know I'm presenting very deep philosophies to you but just never mind me I'm just talking. Life's tough, isn't it? I mean as you go through it you see things change and you begin to understand people in a different way.
You grow up.



I am the one who argues when something I don't agree with is being said. I do it often enough, and though most of the time my point gets lost or somebody shoves their point of view down my throat I still do it because there are things you simply have to stand up for.

However, there are times when I observe conversations without saying anything. I know they won't come out with the conversation with anything decided so why bother? Why get all upset when you know nothing will change?


Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Hours - Michael Cunningham

I liked The Hours. It was interesting. Many of the things in the book stayed with me so I'll share some quotes that I loved:

"She lays the book face down on her chest. Already her bedroom (no, their bedroom) feels more densely inhabited, more actual, because a character named Mrs. Dalloway is on her way to buy flowers."
Page 37

"She, Laura, likes to imagine (it's one of her most closely held secrets) that she has a touch of brilliance herself, just a hint of it, though she knows most people probably walk around with similar hopeful suspicions curled up like tiny fists inside them, never divulged. She wonders, while she pushes a cart through the supermarket or has her hair done, it the other women aren't all thinking, to some degree or other, the same thing: Here is the brilliant spirit, the woman of sorrows, the woman of transcendent joys, who would rather be elsewhere, who has consented to perform simple and essentially foolish tasks, to examine tomatoes, to sit under a hair dryer, because it is her art and her duty."
Page 42

"Yes," she answers and does not move. She might, at this moment, be nothing but a floating intelligence; not even a brain inside a skull, just a presence that perceives, as a ghoast might. Yes, she thinks, this is probably how it must feel to be a ghost. It's a little like reading, isn't it-that same sensation of knowing people, settings, situations, without playing any particular part beyond that of the willing observer."
Page 215

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Her World

I've never attempted to write what they call 'creative writing' but this is something that's been on my mind for a while now.

She had so many friends, and she knew she was the prettiest. Some of them had potential, yet she was always the one who dressed the best, and looked her best every time she went out. She felt she simply had to, to keep that image she wanted to make of herself.

She always felt so opressed and out of luck. She never knew what to do, she simply did things. She always asked me, 'Was I in the wrong by doing that?' She asked it so naively that I simply didn't answer her question but instead I tried to console her.

I loved her, yet I felt she could never understand me and viewed me in just one dimension. People were more than she cared to admit, yet what could one say to such person? So nice one second, and so dark the other.

And all she wanted to do was talk about herself.

She started, and I listened not knowing when the time to comment would be right...

She wants the world to understand her, she yet has to realize the fact that she needs to understand the world first or at least care enough to attempt it.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Reading makes me happy.

I always read. Whether I'm feeling happy, depressed or simply bored. I take comfort in reading. There were a lot of times when the book I was reading was just dull, but I'd go on with it either way because it was something to do and if there's one thing I hate, it's leaving a book unfinished.

Only lately have I fully understood that I sometimes use reading as an escape. It's easy to simply read and shut the whole world out. It doesn't exactly guarantee an enjoyable reading experience, but it's a better outlet than most things. It's not that I'm saying using reading as an escape is a bad thing, sometimes it maybe because there could be more effective ways to deal with issues, but for the most part it is good.
I'm grateful for my books, for they always keep entertained, and with something to do.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

I wonder if I should...

- Get a mobile phone or not.
- Get involved with what's happening around me or keep my distance.
- Keep on reading or face my problems.
-Talk or stay silent.
- Nag or not.
- Tell the truth or not.
- Be the one who asks or let others ask first.
- Cry or laugh.

It's difficult to decide some of these, because you know the right then yet at that certain moment the right thing isn't clear in front of your eyes and you're lost wondering what to do till the moment passes by and you simply stay put...

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Summer Books 2010

I haven't read as much as I'd have liked this Summer but I've read a lot of books on my to-read-list so I'm happy! :)

Middlemarch - George Eliot
One of the best classics I've ever read, the story is amazing and the characters are so very deep and fascinating. I just loved it, and it kicked off my Summer reading spirit. I recommend it highly if you care for classics. Here is my full review:

The White Tiger - Aravind Adiga
My first thoughts were that I liked it, the beginning was very interesting and it was original. I finished it without thinking too much of it, but after a while I started thinking and I came to believe that the book started off so well it didn't deliver at the end, it promised so much more and it could have been so much better.

Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer
It was a failure! I can't say more, because I'll just criticize it more and more. The author could have done SO much better.

The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
It was different, and so.... serene if that's the word. I have a few objections to the book, specially the ending but it is a book definitely worth reading. And as you watch how people go on after the death of a loved one, it really moves you deep down.

A Painted House - John Grisham
It was an interesting read. Grisham proved he can write a novel about the cotton farmers in the US back in the 1940s and do it so well. I enjoyed it because the theme of the novel was something new.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society - Mary Ann Shaffer
One of the best books I read this summer, beautifully written and just makes you feel good. The idea of the book is just brilliant, and I was so happy for a few days after reading it. It's so very interesting, and really worth your time. I loved it, and its weird long name!

The Diary of a Young Girl - Anne Frank
It's one of those books that really show you that no matter how different we are, we grow through the same things. Anne Frank writes her diary thinking nobody will probably ever read it but yet she makes you think and gives you hope at times. It's a story that should be read.

War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
My proudest achievement this summer! I didn't think I'd get it but it slowly grew on me and I was really interested. It's an epic and it's scary but it's just amazing. The characters are wonderful! You'll need a long holiday if you think about picking it up, but it's definitely something very enjoyable and a treat to all of us classic-book-lovers! For a full review see this:

1984 - George Orwell

It's frightening, yet amazingly so. The author is so brilliant you can see the point he wants you to see (for the most part that is). I am lost for words, so I just say put it on your must-read list. It'll get you thinking about the world.

The Trial - Franz Kafka
It was interesting but I honestly failed to understand the point the author was aiming at, so I will say no more.

واحة الغروب - بهاء طاهر
كتاب صعب و لكنه ممتع في نفس الوقت، يأخذك لعالم آخر تماماً. و كان إحساس جميل في نفس الوقت لأنه مختلف بالفعل عن الكتب الاخرى
و لقد كتبت عن الكتاب بتفصيل أكثر هنا:

عائد إلى حيفا - غسان كنفاني
غسان كنفاني يعرض القضية بصورة مؤلمة للغاية و لكن برقي. يأخذك الكتاب إلى مكان آخر تماماً و يجعلك تفكر بالتضحيات التي قام بها الكثير من الفلسطينيون في حياتهم. أنا ممتنة لأني قرأته
بين القصرين - نجيب محفوظ
قصة ممتعة و مشوقة تتحدث عن زمان لا نعرف الكثير عنه و بذلك تدخل حياة أسرة مصرية و تعيش معهم، نجح نجيب محفوظ في هذه الرواية.

قصر الشوق - نجيب محفوظ
هذا الجزء كان يتحدث يعمق أكثر عن بعض الشخصيات.

السكرية - نجيب محفوظ
لم تعجبني السكرية لأنها ركزت على السياسة كثيراً، و لم يكن هناك أي تحسن للأفضل لدى أي الشخصيات و لكنها كانت تدور في حلقة مفرغة تتكرر نفس التصرفات و نفس الأفكار.

Thanks to Ruqaiya, Waed, Mohammed, and Saudamini for their recommendations! Also a huge thanks for the wonderful blog that helped with recommending great Arabic books and offering opportunities for us to get free books!