Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Living life on some certain 'rules'

We were asked to write a summary on a speech. It must be 4 pages or more. You must show moral values in the lines you write. They must have a meaning. If we volunteered then it wouldn’t have been so bad. Being forced to do something for school always gets on my nerves specially if it was about something I don’t believe in. I started to learn in this year that when they tell us to write about something it’s OK to write what I believe in and let my true feelings show about the subject we had to write on. And I was even surprised that I did pretty well. But the problem this time is that what I have learnt can not be applied and what they told us to write must be written on their own conditions. You must think that nothing can be forced on us and we always have the right to express our thoughts or even better, tell them that you can not write at all. This certain topic can not be rejected because there is more that meets the eye. Certain people would be affected in a bad way by this and I am not in the position to jeopardize anything.
But on the other hand why am I making such a big deal out of this? I wrote it as they asked and gave it to them. I am sure I will not win in that competition because I do not fit their own ‘rules’ which aren’t spoken about but if you were in my shoes you would see them very clearly. I actually hope and pray that I do not win. Hypocrisy is something I do not like. And what I wrote was hypocrisy. I can not uncover this whole subject but I wish I do not win. It would mean so much more than winning.
So it is what school is about. They ask us to write about something and there is no escape. But this one is different. It is not for a school subject that you have to write to pass, neither it is for everyone in the class to write. They only picked 4 girls. And the shocking part was that the teacher knew I wouldn’t fit their rules still she put me in.
So nearly I would know if they even made my summary pass and they would send it to the ministry so that they can choose the winners. Till that time I pray they pick one of those 2 other girls who fit their ‘rules’.
At last what shalt come shalt come. Everything has a reason and this is no exception.

Sunday, February 11, 2007


Hello every one,
These days I have this weird feeling to write. I may not know what I want to write about, but this great feeling of creating sentences and listening to the typing of your own is just too much for me to resist. So I would like to pitch in some of the thoughts that are usually occupying my mind. I just hope I do not mislead you to think that when ever I am silent then I am thinking. No, because I can seem much drown in the deep ocean of my thought, and still my mind is as empty as a white paper. As I was reading something today, I was appalled to know that people take pleasure in insulting other people. I never thought that seeing people only replying in polite words to an insult was a satisfying feeling. I never imagined it would give a twisted feeling of happiness. I do not wish to say more about this, because I want to tell you something else.
What is that something else I wonder? Ahh, let me talk about myself. That is always a good topic and you must be interested. I do not say so because I am an interesting person, but I feel that people while talking about themselves can go wild and can be interesting. So let me start: I am a young person. I do not stand as outstanding when you first meet me, as a matter of fact I am such an ordinary human being. At the moment -which will last for about 3 more years from now- I am still trying to search what gives me pleasure doing. I am still in that time when you hope that people wouldn't mention anything about dreams. I am sure everyone went -is going- through that. That is all about me for the time being, I think I made a wrong call by suggesting to talk about myself. It is boring, not expressed well, lacks more details. Yourself is yourself, you don't have to talk about yourself. So let me move on. My selection of topics must make you impressed because of such topics that everyone would relate to and thinks highly of the language used, etc. *looks back and hopes that the reader understood my tone of sarcasm*
My self is screaming at me to find a decent topic to talk about. So I want to ask what can be considered as a good topic. Would my feelings about Saddam's death fall in that category? Do you want to know how do I feel? I hope I didn't hear a 'yes' uttered from your mouth... I am not going to write about that. I can go on like this and continue this chain and tell you about what would be considered as interesting topics and then leave you to wonder why I choose to let them slide and pick not to write about them.
So was this interesting or not!? I do not wonder, for I do not care. And since I am talking about 'interesting' things. I think 'interesting' is such an interesting word. So long my friend... don't ponder on the things that I just wrote for they weren't written for such a purpose. Now I must away. *walks away til the shape of me fades*

Saturday, February 10, 2007

TV show!!!

16 contestants from different Arabic countries, girls and boys to share the same house. Living together and working together. They claim that they are there to succeed and to follow their dream of being a star. What a dream I must say. I never make fun of dreams and I try my best not to make them azaze me. But being a star always makes me think of the human superficiality and shallowness. Why do you want to be famous? If they wanted to be famous because of their talent, goals, etc. They just want to feel the young people wanting to see them and wanting to hear their horrible voices! They were accepted based on their voice. They are supposed to be 'good singers'.
Every Friday like today the channel dedicates more than 3 hours of live broadcasting for this 'stupid' show. What is the use? What will this show produce? Only more of young singers who have no talent and will be added to the tons of singers who think that people enjoy their voices. I only feel sorry for some of the contestants who actually have a pretty good voice but only lose because they don't get enough votes.
I don't blame the channel for airing such a show, neither do I blame who wants to actually succeed in singing. I only blame the people at home who keep watching such shows and encourage these kind of shows that affects young minds. It has become no more than a countries battle. I like good music, I like the shows that give a chance to those who have tried their best and want a chance to prove their voice and their ability! I know more than most people that this show is more than what we see. There is between the lines to read.
As I am writing this, the show is on. We are waiting to see who is going home tonight. You must be thinking how could I be watching the show and still manage to have strong feelings. Well, it is the way it is. I hate the show, I just want to see how much more can they azaze me.
So after great amount of suffer, they announced the name of the person who is going home.
I just look back at the time of my father and listen to Um Kalthom's songs and wish those times would come back. Where music was appreciated. Still, I must include the name of the great Fairoz whose music I love, songs I adore! She is a great singer. Let me only see that their songs still exist. I am not a big fan of old music, neither would I listen to it willingly. But every time my dad puts the tape in the car I can only feel the music and feel happy that my dad makes us listen to them every once and a while.
And there is still hope, music isn't in such bad hands. There are always people no matter how much it gets worse, can make our ears listen to their beautiful songs and meaningful lyrics. Why am I writing this I wonder? It is of no use. Why am I shattering some young people's dreams and telling them that joining this show was the biggest mistake of their lives? I am sure they are capable of doing greater mistakes. All I hope is that they stop telling each other 'I love you' because everyone knows that they don't. Why tell a guy in front of million watchers at home that you love him? Why break it to him and to those millions of people for the first time. Isn't love supposed to be greater than this? Isn't love supposed to be a sacred feeling between you both?

PS: the show's name is Star Academy and now it is in it's 4th season and it is going very successfully. I just wonder how many more seasons would they realize that they are doing more damage than they are entertaining people.

Friday, February 9, 2007

A MAGICAL DAY!! I guess after all Friday is blessed!

'How beautiful can life be?'
As I woke up today, I had this horrible feeling in my stomache. I realized that I was worried! I haven't felt that feeling in a while. Then I started thinking that I shouldn't be worried! I knew my friend and I was so sure of the result. But sometimes you just can't help feeling it. It is as natural as you take the next breath. The problem was that I couldn't wait and grew as impatient as ever. Everytime I hear that ringtone that tells you, you have a message I run to the mobile.
The message is opening..... still I have to wait. How many more moments will it take? Why is this torturing me? I never did anything wrong -well, a few times but not enough to have me tortured-. Yes, all of this crossed my mind in a matter of seconds. Finally, the message opened. Alas, it is no more than my friend whose words I don't recall at the moment. I, even threw the mobile and went back to help my mom, leaving the message unreplied and my poor friend wondering how I am doing. I came back to my senses and went and replied to the message.
And this situation repeated itself one more time! How cruel life can be sometime?! I kept thinking that delay only meant one thing. Bad News! I couldn't bear the thought and kept reminding myself of the fact that my friend will get what she deserves. After a couple of hours we went out, we went to eat out. This managed to keep my mind off this a bit. I kept talking, as it is the only thing I can be sure it will take some load off my shoulder. But after tons and tons of words spoken by my mouth I found this situation different and talking can no longer be of much help. I gave my mouth a rest and lost track of what was passing between my sister and my friend who kept the conversation alive. I started staring at the ground and my mind was still. It was in a state that it was unable of thinking any more.
As we were on our way back to our house, I was thrilled. There was no sign that I would know soon, it just gave me some hope at least. Suddenly the mobile rang its heavenly ringtone to let me know gently that there is a message waiting for me to see. I rapidly clicked 'show' and then the best suprise I got.... It was as if God's mercy fell on my heart. Such relief beyond my words to express, such innocent happieness!! I felt that my voice wouldn't handle the suprise and steal away my words and make them un-spoken! I was stronger than my voice and I made it break the news with the people in the car with me. All reacted the exact way I thought they would. I couldn't care less how they felt. All I could think of was this one person. How must her parents be proud, how her family was happy, how her friends were flying to see her joyous. But most important of all, how was she feeling? What state of happieness did she enter? After feeling the smile from cheek to cheek appear on my face, I normally would have tried to hide it. It always was and will be the 'stupid look' but this one time I pleaded please let it be. Let me look 'goofy' let me look the way I may look. My face was happy, I felt my face thanking me for giving it the librety of expressing the feelings. My face was happy to do my feelings justice.
Although this got me thinking, will I ever go through this? For -only- my sake! For myself who deserves all life offers to others. Myself who never wanted more than what I can get. For myself who is only a human trying to get all she can gets without stepping on others!!??
I could only think about this a few minutes because the situation was beyond this and deserved my full attention. Later on that day, I got even more sweeter suprises which I am stilling prayer that this would go on. All the best my friend because you only deserve what is more. You know that this is not cliche. This is coming straight from my heart!
PS: please don't thank me, nor comment on this my friend who you know that this was written for you.
Do what ever that may lead you to your goal. Because it is your goal, then you must realize that it is within your power to achieve it. It is so close to coming true and you know it deep within. Wait for none and explain to none why or what! Just break free from this life and its barriers! The beautiful sun shine is there, you just have to see it. Look closely.....

Monday, February 5, 2007

a letter to someone

Dear someone,
First of all I need to express my excitement of writing to you. The best part is that I do not have the least idea who you are. I want to start telling you about my life. It is not much but as you must know if you lead your life then nothing else matters, which is exactly my case. I cry because I feel, I smile because I have hope, I breathe to feel the air fell my lungs. As I sit in my back seat in the car I start thinking about what I see. It is mostly the mountains around the long steep road ahead. I feel as if those mountains have a story to tell me –I never managed to understand the story though- While everyone is thinking about their problem or whatever that occupies their mind.
So dear someone I do not know what I should tell you, because life is really smiling at my face at the moment. I wonder if it is smiling at you too. Come and take a look at me one time and do not let me be aware of your presence and you will see the real me talking about some non-sense or dancing crazily at some song. You hear that the world is turning into a small village but I read something for my dad and he said that the world no longer can be considered as a small village, it should be considered as a square. I think it depends on what you go through to decide what does the world look to you. I wonder what do you consider it as. The world is just the world, it doesn’t get bigger or smaller. I wish I would look at the earth from a space ship and be near the moon. And hear the stars as they light our dark night. The view of the stars is always ‘azazing’.

Sometimes people make you do/say things. You may regret later and the best thing about regret is that it doesn’t even occur to you while doing the thing that you regret. Do not let regret drown you in blueness. As you may have noticed I am writing about random stuff, just remember that it is the first I write to you and you must excuse such a random style.
2 weeks from now I would be back to my life routine which is going to school. This holiday has given me my share of rest. Now I can go back to school and go back to the boring life style which gives me satisfaction. It is weird but it is the strange, satisfying sensation of completing your homework and studying for your exams. I live in a place where I do not go out so much, school keeps me busy all the time and occupies my time. So school is welcomed at the moment because it is a couple of weeks away, but when it is days away it will be despised.
Only if, only if what? Do not I have all the things I need? Do not I have a roof above my head? Do not I have a voice which is heard? Do not I have water and food to keep me going through the day? I can not help pronouncing the ‘only if’ every time I think about my life. Let me not say ‘only if’ just for you. I will let it slide this time and close my mouth as my lips yearn to say these two words.
Now I hope I didn’t bore you with my life, no one can appreciate it the way I do. Take care now and I hope the post man who didn’t get this letter would deliver my warmest regards from Firq in Nizwa.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Blood Diamond

As it was only days after the big game, we were stuck in traffic. There was traffic because the Omani team lost its game with the Emarati team and lost the Gulf countries championship. People before the big game were very excited and cheered for their country’s team. In fact even I hoped they would win, but well they didn’t. So anyways we were on our way to the cinema to catch the movie that I have been dying to catch. But the funny part was that why would they still celebrate??
Being more than 5 minutes late we arrived at the cinema and booked our seats. The movie was rolling as I took my seat. The good part was that I didn’t miss seeing Leo and got to see him in his first scene. There were some scenes that I couldn’t help feel really scared watching. I was really into the movie and I really believe that I would have been 100% lost in it if it wasn’t for the questions by the person next to me. he kept asking as if I have seen the movie one hundred time. And as him being only a little kid, I think it was the first that he got to see how things in Africa work and he asked if what he was seeing really happened. I immediately turned my head towards him and started telling him that it was much worst and lost track of the movie. This great moment was interrupted by Huda telling me to watch the movie. Alas, such a moment lost. I returned to the movie and felt my head starting to hurt because of the first row seat that I had and then my neck followed and was hurting as well. Because I had to bend my neck which made me very uncomfortable. All this disappeared and I got lost in the movie again.
Goodness it what lies deep down inside our souls and it is what we are made of. Archer managed to help a family, even though he almost lost all hope he had in this world and thought that Africa would never get better. He was ready to give up until he met Solomon who was in need of help. God didn’t leave Africa and will never leave any place on this earth. I know you think it is typical from a believer but things can get better and this movie was the proof and maybe it will be a positive step in the road of helping and reaching out to the people in Africa. I am only hoping that it would do more than ‘get a few people to cry and make some write cheques’. One thing I didn’t understand though, what is the meaning of ‘blood diamond’? and I would never buy any diamond in this life. What will be the use of buying one, making some people richer than they already are and encourage the diamond trade and make more people sufer because of my superficial want of looking pretty. I never really understood why women bought diamonds.
Leo defiantly deserves to win an Oscar for his performance. We all loved the movie except my sister Rawa’ who didn’t like it at all
‘we already have enough suffering and trouble in our lives and I want something to lessen our burdens not to make them heavier’ she says explaining. We actually didn’t discuss the movie a lot because she had something to do at home and wanted to get back as soon as possible.
I have this weird thing with accents and so I totally fell in love with Leo’s accent in the movie. I think now people have no right to call him ‘a pretty piece of meat’ because if he didn’t prove himself in ‘Titanic’ then he surely proved him self in this movie.
Now what to do? How can we help? I realised something after watching the movie. People started fighting each other, and it was because losing all hope. I wonder why do they lose hope. It is so clear to the naked eye to see how much help Africa is getting and how many politicians care so much about them. Again, even though almost all people with power are turning their backs to these issues we still have some hope. We care, therefore it is all we need to go on and offer a helping hand. PS: One thing I didn't mention in my detailed report about my trip to the cinema, which is what I ate and drank during the movie. You would have to excuse me on that part, I am not going to come clean with that secret because if I did such a thing then I would have discribed how I spent my whole day. I even managed to sleep at 3 am because Huda and I had so much to say about the movie.