Monday, August 30, 2010


I'm on Twitter all the time, and that's because I'm addicted and I can't help myself. Of course I didn't mention the real reason behind it: I don't have a life.
It's the truth I sometimes deny it. There's nothing wrong with that. See people who use social media excessively, like me, are two kinds of people.
They either have a life, usually going out, have lots of friends, and they use social media to share with the world their life. Or they have no life and they use social media to stalk those who have a life. No need to say I'm of the latter type, but you already know that.

What am I supposed to do but pray?
Let's pray for a better life, and seek it. :]

Sunday, August 29, 2010


We always have expectations of people, and although at times we try to convince ourselves these expectations are wrong, we keep them. Every opportunity out there for them to live up to our expectations, they fail to do so.
Perhaps we should let go of these expectations forever and value the things they do without us asking them to. How many times have you told yourself you'll give people a chance to do something? I just always catch myself waiting for people to do something for me, but then after them failing to do it I laugh at my own silliness. How would they ever understand what I need them to do if I never told them what it was? I don't understand myself sometimes, let alone understand people which I would never claim to do.
People are strange, and there in the back of my mind there's a place that's always criticizing and commenting, though I dislike people who do that out loud, does that make me a hypocrite? I hate to think so.
What I never can truly grasp is that we're just different, what we go through isn't the same. Even if it was our reaction to it would never be the exact same. I think what we go through in life makes us who we are, and at a certain point we can only choose our attitude towards what's happening.
So what am I saying really?
I guess these days I'm realizing how much of an individual I am, and it's a good thing for the most part. I realize the freedom I have in my thoughts and actions. I don't know if that realization is doing me any good, I just want to change and go back to being an optimist but what I'm turning into is someone who's down and can't even have decent conversations with people.
Is that normal? Sometimes I think everybody went through what I'm going through so why am I complaining so much? And other times I think what I'm going through is just for me and no one else.
Which is it I have no idea. I guess I need an accomplishment to make me feel better. One such accomplishment would be to finish War and Peace but I don't know when will that ever happen?

Yours with a bit of confusion,

Monday, August 23, 2010

أسئلة عن القراءة

* من أرسل لكِ الدعوة ؟
هالة :]

* كتب الطفولة التي بقيت عالقة في ذاكرتك ؟
للأطفال و التي كنت أقرأها و أنا صغيرة و كنت أستمتع كثيرا بقراءة القصص الملئية بالخيال. Enid Blyton أتذكر سلسلة كتب
و غير هذه السلسلة تخونني الذاكرة لأني و بكل صراحة لم أكن أقرأ و أنا طفلة و لكني بدأت أقرأ في عمر الرابعة عشر تقريبا و ما قرأته من كتب لا يعد كتب طفولة.

*من أهم الكتّاب الذينَ قرأتِ لهم ؟
هم كثيرون منهم الروسي دوستوفيسكي و الذي أعجبتني كتاباته كثيرا و لأنه من أوائل الكتّاب الذين قرأت لهم، كما يوجد أيضاً الكاتب إيان مكيوان الذي يأخذك إلى عالم أخر في كتاباته و تشعر بأنه يكتب عن أناس تعرفهم أو حتى عنك تحديداً و كم مرة شعرت و أنا أقرأ كتاباً له بأنه يصف مشاعراً تجتاحني كثيراً من الأحيان لكني لا أعرف كيف أوصفها و لكنه يكتب عنها بطريقة سلسلة و جميلة.
باولو كويلهو ترك بصمة كبيرة مع إني أصبحت أنتقي كتبه بعناية أكثر إلا أنه لا يزال من أهم من قرأت لهم لغاية الآن. و جاين أوستن حببتني في القراءة أكثر و أكثر و خصوصاً قراءة الكتب الكلاسيكية.
و في المجمل فإن هولاء مستعدة أن أقرأ لهم في أي الأحوال و يوجد غيرهم لكني على ما يبدو لا أتأثر بالكاتب بقدر تأثري بالكتاب نفسه في معظم الأحيان.

*من هم الكتاب الذين قررت ألا تقرأي لهُم مجدداً ؟
ستيفيني ماير، و توماس هاردي (مع إني إلى هذا اليوم أشك في قراري و مترددة أميل أحياناً إلى أن أقرأ له مزيداً من كتبه حتى أحكم عن كتاباته بموضوعية أكثر).

*في صحرء قاحلة أيّ الكتب تحملينَ معك ؟
سؤال صعب جداً لأني متعلقة بكتبي كلها و لكن إن كان لا بد من الإختيار فستكون الكتب كالتالي:
Middlemarch - George Eliot
The Kite Runner - Khalid Hosseini
The Book Thief - Markus Zusak
و يوجد المزيد لكن أحب هذه الكتب كثيراً.

* ماهي الكتب التي تقرئينها الآن ؟
الحرب و السلام لـ ليو تولستوي
لا أقرأ أكثر من كتاب في آن واحد لأني أجد أنني لا أعطي الكتاب حقه بهذه الطريقة بل أركز على واحد منهما فقط.

*ما هو الكاتبـ\ـة الذي\التي لم تقرأي لهـ\ـا أبدا ، وتتمنى قراءة كتبه\ـا ؟
هم كتّاب كثُر كأحلام مستغانمي و وليام فولكنر و جورج أورويل و ستيفين كينج و همينجوي و غيرهم.

* أرسلي الدعوة لـ أربعة مدونيين من أجل مشاركتنا ذكرياتِهم مع القرآءة ؟
سأترك الدعوة مفتوحة لمن يقرأ هذا الموضوع و يعجبه أن يشارك

Saturday, August 7, 2010

"Wondering what I've got to do, Or who I'm supposed to be"*

I remember the time when I decided what I wanted to be. The geeky twin from a lame movie. I decided I'd be the geeky, nerdy, tidy, nice person. I was quite taken with being that kind of person. I think I never lived up to that idea I had. I didn't care about being "tidy" anymore because I realized it didn't define me, and shouldn't define me for that matter. I always thought I'd never be moody, but when I noticed signs of that on myself I became even more gloomy. I was not living up to the person I wanted myself to be.
I think I forced myself into being that person when I was a teenager. I didn't know who I was, or who I was supposed to be but I just felt that I had to be a "character" you would see on an American movie. Only now I realize those stereotypes don't exist here and I can't be one of them.
I'd often watch people, to an outsider they seemed so dull and lifeless. Doing things they thought necessary for their families, going out because their families were going out, and keeping that look that said they didn't have an opinion over anything. I'd wonder if they were like that, or if their circumstances made them seem so... unimportant. Sometime back I began thinking over that, what right did I have to criticize these people's attitude or even looks? Who am I to make judgments over how they live their lives? And why did I always think their life was so sad and unimportant?
I used to convince myself that I'd never end up like that, I would have a say over matters even if my opinion wasn't heard. Especially over matters that concerned me. Now, I simply ponder on how hard it is to voice out your opinion when you know it's not the "right" one to have, to speak out when what you say isn't what they want to hear.
I never thought the day would come when I'd keep quiet when matters were discussed. That day has come, and everyday I hope I'd simply wish I'd remain silent. My opinions are often misguided and when you are still learning about life it's more important to understand it, than to form hurried opinions. My opinions, once spoken out loud, seem so absurd even to me.
Don't get me wrong, I will have opinions over worldly issues, and things that matter to me greatly and will not be afraid to voice those out, what I am speaking of are day-to-day opinions over life. I am learning how to refuse talking about issues I know nothing of, when earlier I'd simply say the first thing that came to my mind, and a day or two after I've been dwelling over what I said I'd realize how stupid I was to say it.
I don't even know if what I'm saying makes sense right now but it's important for me to voice these thoughts out even if nobody understand, it's like making it official in my mind to act upon what I've written above.
Most of the time we are ruled by circumstances. I always wonder though, why do we let ourselves be ruled that way when we have the power to at least to try to achieve what we want?
With much confusion,

*Title is from Gavin Degraw's song I Don't Want To Be.