Saturday, May 24, 2014

To you

There are beautiful things inside of you, waiting to burst of life but all you ever do is try to tame them. But you don’t realize how you have so much life inside of you. Don’t risk becoming like the rest, don’t risk one day feeling like the world’s too big a thing to fight and you’re all alone. Because there’s nobody else to explain to the world the wrong of its ways like you. Believe me, there isn’t.

Often, you’re fighting with yourself over what you should or shouldn’t do. Stop fighting yourself and stop worrying. Do what feels right. Do what even if it failed you’d still stand by it when people say ‘but why did you do it?’ and the little voice in your head stops arguing with you for sometime because the answer resonates within you, ‘it was the right thing to do.’ And people most probably won’t like that answer because they’re worried you didn’t get what you was rightfully yours, they’re trying to console you in a weird way, they’re trying to think would they had the guts to do what you did. And you didn’t have the guts, you just wanted your conscience to give you a break. You just needed your heart to stop being so heavy because of how there are things you keep loading into it. And your heart no longer feels as part of your chest. Your heart has settled into your gut. It needs to go back to your chest but it's so loaded, your whole body feels it. Your hands tremble, your feet are cold and you have bruises of unknown origin.

Teach yourself to be still, to look at the sky, to walk slowly and to not rush anything. Teach yourself to say prayers everyday and yes, focus on others, but focus on yourself too. Remind yourself that you don’t have to control everything, that no matter how much you control things, there will always be something that escapes your grip. Learn to be still. Learn to absorb your surroundings, not to run into your head every time you’re not happy with what’s going on around you. You will need to face the music sooner or later, and what a funny expression that is. Face the music as if music is something difficult to face.

Please stop fighting, I’m tired of having only words to try to make you understand. I need you to pick yourself up for me, fight for yourself and stop fighting it. Fight for yourself, even as you beat yourself up over something because you’re trying to make yourself see that you’re supposed to be better than that, not because you’re angry and all you have is you to snap at.

I’m not telling you you’re worth it, I’m saying there’s a life out there worth living. And the only way you’re gonna figure out how to survive is to stop fighting yourself.
“Be nice to yourself. It’s hard to be happy when someone is being mean to you all the time.” - Christine Arylo
 PS: This post was inspired by this letter by Marwa.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

A star, a leaf, a window.

I want to be up among the stars. Amazing how something burning that big is seen so small from where we stand, but can also mean so much.

I want to fall with the rain and travel the distance between a cloud and the hand of a child. I want to be a dew drop on a green leaf. I want to be that leaf falling as autumn makes it yellow and dry.

I want to join birds in their flight from one place to another, flying over mountains and seas. I want that freedom.

Sometimes, I wish I was a window. I don't exactly know why.