Thursday, May 31, 2012

Here...yet again

It's been so long since I just let myself go here on my blog, this place is mine and it's a medium for my thoughts but I refuse to let my thoughts in here. I woke up at 8 am today, barely slept 5 hours straight. I think it's because of my horrible sleeping routine during college days. I shouldn't really get comfortable with my  holiday. In a week we'll be back for a summer course. I wonder why there's a summer course here. Why this torture when they're very aware of the fact that it gets to more than 50 C outside. We all suffer in different ways, that's for sure.

I was told that I looked like Mini Mouse 2 days ago. My friend then assured me it was meant as a compliment. I think that'll stay with me for a while. Perhaps I have a cartoonish look to go with that cartoonish personality. Perhaps I only delude myself with these ideas, but our brains like to indulge in our whims. I think the greatest compliment I've got about my looks was when I was 15 maybe. One of my mom's friends told me I had my mom's smile. Since then I've got that comment more than once and it never fails to make me happy. I don't know, but this makes me happier than when I'm told I'm pretty or whatever. I guess that does sound a bit snobbish, there's just something else about being told you have one of your mom's features.

I'm covered with two blankets because it's too cold. I could switch off the AC but I like living in extreme conditions sometimes, or making myself think so at least. I don't know a lot of things and I don't presume to guess, perhaps you're not meant to know because you wouldn't understand or perhaps understanding would hit your core and you're never the same again. Perhaps we change with every breath and remain essentially the same. Who is to be the judge of these matters?

I just wonder who knows you best, is it you or those around you? Can you listen to people spelling out your personality for you or shall you defy their ideas, after all you've been with yourself the longest. And are we to judge ourselves based on intentions or our actions or is it our words, that is if they managed to convey our inner most thoughts. I suppose I'm repeating myself more or less but I always wondered... Some have the courage to tell you you're this and that very firmly and they make you even believe it. Some say people are easy to read, but do you know something? There's always something that is lost between us. Something that I choose to hide, you choose  to ignore or just lost somewhere in the translation. So you can't seriously think that you know all that makes a person, it's more like that you know fragments and you piece them together as best as you know how. You put something of you when you try to figure someone out, and there...that's how you can't presume to know them like the back of your hand. I suppose I feel strongly about this because we really should make more of an effort to understand someone.

On a different note, I have an ambitious reading list for the Summer, let's hope I manage to read them all and then some. Currently reading The Handmaid's Tale by Margret Atwood. A promising read, and I'm excited!

So... Enjoy your summer people. Make it worthwhile :D

Language

I didn't know your language. And you didn't understand mine. So we invented our own. We kept it hidden from the world, laughed at its ease and marveled at how well we got to know one another. I thought with time you'd understand my language while you thought we should leave our own behind.

But to lose myself, to become submerged in your world was something I could not do. Had you left me to myself one day, I'd have nothing to live on. You possess that amazing skill, of building yourself again from scratch while I struggle with the little that I have.

Let our language join the extinct languages of the world. Let's become history, a memory the world forgets. Let what we once were become a lesson taught to the naïve. Let's become an example. Return to your homeland and never forget your letters. I cease to speak that forlorn language we once created and you shall cease to understand it. Because my friend, that is the way of the world.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Art of Hearing Heartbeats - Jan-Philipp Sendker


"Love has so many different faces that our imagination is not prepared to see them all."
"Why does it have to be so difficult?"
“Because we see only what we already know. We project our own capacities—for good as well as evil—onto the other person. Then we acknowledge as love primarily those things that correspond to our own image thereof. We wish to be loved as we ourselves would love. Any other way makes us uncomfortable. We respond with doubt and suspicion. We misinterpret the signs. We do not understand the language. We accuse. We assert that the other person does not love us. But perhaps he merely loves us in some idiosyncratic way that we fail to recognize."

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Doors

She didn’t know how to close doors or how to open them even. All she knew how to do was sit in the middle idly, staring into the void. Usually someone took pity on her and led her the rest of the way out. But if they stop their charity, where will she end up?