We have plants in our flat now. I water them everyday, twice.
They're not ours. They're for my dad's friend, and we're looking after them while he's away. It's great. Though the sad thing is, we sometimes leave the house for a day or two and there's no one to water them. One of them is already dead, or very near that because it's seriously dry. I felt really sorry for it. The others aren't very much better, it's because of the weather here. It's very very hot.
I asked my mom why didn't we have plants? She explained that she tried keeping some a few years back but they wouldn't stay alive, besides we don't have much room in our home for them. I always thought I'd have a garden in my house, and I wouldn't dwell much on who would tend it. It demands time and effort. Now I'm thinking a few planets on the balcony wouldn't be so bad. The weather needs to be appropriate.
However, I'm not writing to express my future wishes for keeping a garden. I need to think out loud, because I've been thinking a lot these days and I don't think it's very healthy living inside my head. I've been reading, I don't know if it's the books I'm reading or it's me, but I'm not relating to books now, I'm reading for the sake of reading and I don't like that. I've been watching online most of the time I'm awake, and that has made me uncomfortable about the way I'm spending my Summer. I try to talk, but I have no idea what to say or how to say it. I'm thinking about my average, majors, universities and life after this Summer. And I'm also thinking about getting a BlackBerry.
I always hated my lack of confidence in the decisions I make, I hate the state of indecisiveness I'm in, and I hate how big a deal I'm making everything look like because it may just happen to be normal. Perhaps it's the right state of being for me right now, but I hate the state of unproductiveness I'm in. I need to read books, be able to help around in the house, watch movies, learn how to drive, and not spend the day inside of my head thinking and thinking of what I should be doing. I need to simply think and act.
I think it's because I'm nervous about my future, and that's normal, and because last year not a day went to waste without a humongous guilt. This is the transition needed to get back to leading a normal life. So this needs to come out.
I have faith in myself, and I need to start acting upon it.
Let's act upon on!