Thursday, November 1, 2007

Reminisce

They say that when you learn from your mistakes you can't regard them as mistakes any more. They've helped you grow and they're only mistakes when you seem oblivious to what they're trying to teach you.
I can honestly say that I comprehend that thought, and try as I may, I can never learn to apply it in my life. I've had my share of mistakes these years and I am sure I will do some more, the thing is that they seem to linger on my mind. Not all of them, of course, but those that count and there's a handfull of them.
We all have those sentences we wish we never uttered, those actions undone, and so on. Mine seem to haunt me and always remind me of my imperfection. I have passed the phase which I wish I was perfect, because I know being imperfect is in itself perfection in our human standards.
Still, I always seem to remember my mistakes, the ones I've learned from. The ones that make me think in certain situations before I say anything. It might be good that I am reminded of them so that I wouldn't do them again. I do believe we can never truely forget our mistakes as they are printed somewhere in our minds.
I just wish I wouldn't be reminded of my mistakes, they do make me feel as if I could have definitely changed them. If that moment was to be again repeated I'd have changed them for sure.
Yet, I can only be guessing, there indeed might be a reason why I am remembering my mistakes.
So, to have it off my chest for now. Here are some thoughts, regrets perhaps:
-When I told you 'You can't sing well'. It was only to be honest and it was not to be disencourging you, you might not have been used to hearing it, or you might be, nontheless I regret I said it because you seemed affected.
-When you wanted to say something and I shut you off because I thought what I have to say more important that yours, I am only filled with my vanity that what I have to say means more.
-When I let you down, know that it was not what I had in mind nor it could ever be. This I can apologize for.
-I need to appreciate what happens to other people, because I don't have to be always thinking that no one goes through worse than what I go through.
Listen, understand, think, and then say or act!
Only then you might not regret the action, it was what you thought best at the moment. Make sure of that, because maybe I can't seem to afford it, you might be able to.
One thing I can be certain of at the end, I still have a long journey to go through, I have lessons which I need to grasp and apply. Maybe it will come with time, place, poeple or whatever else. I shall only be glad to learn.
I will not end it with apologizing. It is not because I have too much pride, it is just that it's not the time for apologies, nor it is the best place for those to be given.

2 comments:

lost within said...

Well said indeed my wise friend!

Ash said...

Perhaps in some instances it is not your fault. Your intention when you say something is something and what the other person understands is something totally different. In such cases don't even feel guilty. Apologise but maintain your stand on your intentions.

Over time the other person feels guilty and apologises for being angry.:P