Sunday, October 24, 2010


This post is dedicated for the dozens of posts that never got published here but just stayed as drafts. I never got to publish them because I thought they were too personal, or silly or simply because I feel I talk about the same things over and over again.

I was just watching a TV talk show. They had a journalist, and the interviewer was asking her questions and all. One of the things she said was, 'when I was little I'd read the newspaper in front of the mirror' as in practicing being a newsreader.
It's all very nice, and I stand in awe in front of such people, who've stuck with their dream and really make it happen.

We're not all so fortunate. We may find ourselves in more subtle ways, than in a career. Yet, there is time, and hope!



This year of school has certainly had its ups and downs. And even though I'm still not ready to talk about some of the things that happened with other than my sister, I find it hard to not tread upon some of the stuff that took place recently.

It's probably the pressure of studies and getting good grades that seriously gets some people and make them behave in some ways. I, too, have been more stressed and touchy. I try to remain composed though and try to be positive no matter what. That is easier said than done, but on the whole I think I'm doing fairly well.
I didn't understand it when the other day my friend sent me an SMS telling me she considered me as a friend, and asked what I considered her to be. I thought the question weird, but replied saying she was one of my very good friends. And she is. I thought it weird she should question that after 2 years. We are good friends indeed, and we both love reading. She explained the following day that it was because of a friend she had for three years, whom she thought her friend, but one day a group of girls were talking, and this one girl was asked who she likes best from them, and she said she didn't consider them to be her friends.

I understand how such a situation might affect one's opinions of people, but if I also fall into that category then... I don't know what actually. I know I find it hard to express my feelings. That's the way with most arabs, either you find one doing it excessively or others not doing it at all. I find it hard to tell people how I feel about them. And I don't think I'm alone, it's tough talking to a person and telling them how much you appreciate having them in your life. Sometimes I think such things need not be said, they should be felt.



"Just think of what people might say!"
"Imagine what people think about us!"

Why do we care so much about what people think? I always wondered. It's normal, and that's what human beings do. Yet, when it's the first thing you think about.



So here are some updates, I don't have much time to post but I just feel like writing. We'll be applying soon to unis. It's a bit exciting thinking that life will change, and we'll be going into something new but for the most part it's worrying. All those expectations you have to live up to, and the uncertainties.


'Quack, Quack, Quack'

What is there left to write about? I've exhausted the topic of majors/unis and it's playing in my head all day that I simply can't (and will not yield to the temptation) go through it here.
The other day we visited a friend, a good friend let me add. She asks about us and we do likewise, and we enjoy hanging out together. She made us beautiful gifts, she put much heart into them. These past few days I've been thinking how my friends are, and that none of them takes interest in me, I will explain why later on. To be honest, I don't have that many friends in my offline life. I'm a friendly person but I choose not to get involved. My sister and I have each other, and that's enough for us. I'm not complaining for the lack of friends, I'm just asking myself why do I choose to appreciate some people too much? I find it that I pay more attention to some friends, and not as much to those who actually deserve that attention and I don't like myself much for that fact.

I will not carry on here on people and friends' personalities and try to analyze them, I have to remind myself of the fact that I am no expert on people though I sometimes believe that I am. We'll live on learning from our choices and our mistakes. I'd like to let friendships take their course, and do my part in them. Appreciate my friends, and that fact that they still check upon me, and stop exaggerating things and breaking down every gesture to million pieces. I'd blame myself, or my words that fail me while talking to friends. I expect them to take interest in what I say, when in return I do my part miserably and only care to speak, and hardly listen carefully.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to be a better friend and a better listener. I'd hate it if I continued blaming people for not doing their part.

I'm not saying anything to be honest, I just need to write about friends, because I've been thinking about that for a long time now. I don't want anybody to tell me I'm a good friend, but I just need to feel like a good one. The reason why I was thinking my friends didn't actually take interest in me because I feel that lately all I'm looking for is somebody to listen to what I have to say and not only listen but react and comment, when in fact I don't have anything worth mentioning. All I care about is being heard, but what about listening for a change? That would definitely do me some good.

The title is inspired by my current reading; The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank. Anne was talkative like me .



This summer has been some sort of a roller coaster to give it full justice. First we were waiting for the results (which seems ages ago now) then we got them, and we were ecstatic, then we've been to Dubai and to Jordan.
We had fun.
I realized the seriousness of the fact that I need to get out there and grab a life. Didn't seem such a hard thing when we were in Jordan really, we visited friends and hung out and went shopping and stuff. Here it seems to difficult.
I'm such a broken record. I go on and on about the same things. Perhaps I talk about them because I feel like I'm not doing much to change the things I feel need to be changed.

How can people while in an argument, only think of their point of view while you're left pondering every little point they mentioned, how is it that when it's something concerning your future they can totally disregard your wishes and ask you to think of what they went through and how they want you to do "better".
Don't you sometimes wish you lived somewhere else? Where all kinds of jobs were appreciated? Where you could actually think of many options, not just the three I always had to think of, and then decide what is it you really wanted to do!
See I don't know if I'm complaining or not, I have faith that Allah will help us through,


"So you're pretty sure this is what you really want?"
So this is the story of my life at the moment, majors and universities and all that talk that makes you just want to cry. Is it normal, I wonder, this state of indecisiveness we're in?
Perhaps it is, and everyone went through it but I don't think it was the same. Nothing is ever the same, don't you agree? We may go through the same things but it's different because we're not the same.
I know I'm presenting very deep philosophies to you but just never mind me I'm just talking. Life's tough, isn't it? I mean as you go through it you see things change and you begin to understand people in a different way.
You grow up.



I am the one who argues when something I don't agree with is being said. I do it often enough, and though most of the time my point gets lost or somebody shoves their point of view down my throat I still do it because there are things you simply have to stand up for.

However, there are times when I observe conversations without saying anything. I know they won't come out with the conversation with anything decided so why bother? Why get all upset when you know nothing will change?


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