Monday, September 6, 2010

My Mind

I want to write about my world, so why don't I? Why is it that now, trying to overcome being down, I simply avoid thinking about serious things? Is the state of uneasiness normal for someone in my shoes? Perhaps, but I hate to be excused for being in this state of un-showing-stress.
I'm afraid I'll get more and more accustomed to it every day like the character in this book I'm reading, who always thought of making something of his life, but he pushed back these thoughts and indulged himself into day-to-day things and never got around to making himself the man he always wanted, instead he became the man he always wished he'd never be and at the end (well I'm in the middle of the novel so that's the end for me right now) he even began to like the kind of men he didn't want to be earlier. The character is very noble, honest and very good at heart. Yet where is the courage needed to take that first step towards becoming what you always wanted to be?

I'm not in a state of utter depression really, actually I'm really fine and have been feeling more cheerful lately but I can't decide whether that's because I've become really hopeful or because I've got used to it. It's rather unsettling.
I want to do something with my life.
What I really want is to finish a book, and I am reading the perfect book for that, only it won't end easily, and that's even better. Finishing it will feel like an accomplishment I'm sure, but having actually enjoyed it is awesome. I am reading a lot these days, and that gives me peace somehow.
War and Peace is what I'm reading at the moment. I will dedicate a post to it soon inshallah.

Till next time, have a blessed Eid everyone.

PS: The character I mentioned is Pierre for those who have read War and Peace, I love him and he is such a wonderful character because he's a good soul and what more could one ask for in life? Than to be good. Simply good at heart. He is my favourite because I can relate to all that he feels so easily! I didn't condemn his act, I was merely contemplating it for it was astounding to me.


Unknown said...

My sweet dear habibti,
You're over-analyzing your fears, and that's no good because it can drive you the state of uber depression. I know 'cos I've been there and done that :P

So every now and then stop thinking about what you're feeling and just let it flooow.

Of course, you should ask yourself every once in a while how you're feeling to check if things are alright in your mind, but not every day or every night.

Maybe it's 'cos, during holidays, we're given way too much time to reflect on life. And that can be bad for some of us!

My smiles and hope this piece of advice helps!

Unknown said...

whoops, I meant you're over-analyzing your "feelings" in the first line. LOL. The whole concept changes :P

Ruqaiya said...

Love, everyone goes through this stage in their life and as crappy as it may seem now, you'll look back at it and regret you didnt utilise this time to do something!
Dont work yourself up so much, and use this time to relax. Once you start college you'll need this ALOT!I'm here if you need to rant :D