I don't feel like complaining anymore. About people, college, friends or anything really. I really want to try to live. Just live. Without passing judgments because that's what people do, without whining about every single thing.
You know the thoughts you have before you fall asleep? All the promises you make to yourself. Tomorrow I'll start doing this, stop that, and simply be a better person. They help you sleep at night, you truly mean them at that time. You can't wait for the morning to start doing all those things. You wake up forgetting all those things, going on your daily life, then it hits you and you remember the promises. You simply feel you can't start now because it has to be from the moment you wake up, for some reason. You feel a bit down, then decide you'll start tomorrow. This ends it. At night you get caught up with the book you're reading or with facebook/twitter. This happens around once a month, and just feels healthy for some reason.
For me I stopped doing it. I try to stop that is. I usually catch myself dreaming how I can make tomorrow better, but I stop myself because usually I end up disappointed. This is all due to my weak will. It is. I can start the change now, post this, shut the laptop, leave my phone aside, read and sleep by 1a.m. Will this happen though? I'll waste time just contemplating it, and then get depressed over the fact that I didn't achieve it. I'd love to know the magical formula of getting things done. Should I put up a paper I've written the things I want done and post it on the wall. I would if I wasn't too shy and scared of the comments it'll attract. Should I write it down on my journal? I haven't written in it for ages though, and it's usually abandoned so that won't be such a good idea. Does that ever happen to you? What helps you do the things you really want to do?
I'll go have my late night thoughts now, good night.
1 comment:
I love what you wrote =) I really do. While reading, I thought about how books make us think, they make us creative and curious.
About your thoughts: I understand perfectly well what you're talking about, this endless battle, it never goes out and at the end of each day it makes you so tiresome and just...blank.
Usually, I write on my notebook, not a journal, it's just something I use sometimes when my thoughts become too deep to be posted on any of my blogs. I list the things I want to change in me, and then I try to memorize them using my eidetic memory; it helps me see what I wrote anytime, and feel what I felt when I wrote it, and then act.
I haven't done that in quite a while to be honest, and the last couple of times I failed, but I don't think I fought hard enough..
I just want you to know that you're not alone, we're all in this together, some people don't say it, but it really is a fact that we're all aliens in this earth.
Just keep your faith going and Allah will guide you insha'allah =)
Love <3
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