I'm tired and I should be in bed reading but here I am.
Our first midterm is tomorrow, so I guess that explains the state of nervousness I'm in, though the real anxiety will be tomorrow 5 minutes before the exam when even my stomach dreads it and it starts hurting.
I want to read continuously for hours, something that takes me to another world and makes me want to be a better person, something that is like no other, that will make me want to smile secretly to myself.
I want to watch a movie, any movie without feeling guilty.
I want to have long endless conversations about silly things, all night long with my sister... Then deciding we'll stop only to start again and go like that till it's nearly dawn!
I want to stop feeling like I always always have to prove myself to people, like whatever I do isn't enough. That guilt of having wasted some time only to think that I could have used that time to study to live up to the expectations I have of myself, and others have of me.
I want to live without thinking a step ahead, calculating every move and every word how they'll be understood and how they might get misunderstood, how to behave, talk, eat and even laugh. I've had it.
I want to do whatever I feel like without fearing people will be offended, that they may feel I'm neglecting them because I sometimes don't spend time with them, because I spend time with other people, because... because... because... Sometimes people will feel offended no matter what you do.
I want to be free from all of these worries.
I want to be free.