Reading Take #01

In holidays when I have a lot of free time, besides watching loads of movies I tend to read for hours at a time. I don't realize I've been reading for a long time until after wards when I look at myself in the mirror and I see that red line in my eye that screams at me "What have you done?". I sometimes, sometimes worry about my eyes because I really tire them of reading small-fonted books...
Sometimes I don't even notice it till some family member asks "Why is your eye so red?" I instantly think that if I say because of reading they'll tell me to take it easy but I know holidays are scarce so I must take full advantage of them.
However, there's a big chance I might have to wear glasses which I have no feelings about, because that would make it seem more real and I thank God for my eye vision and want it to stay the same forever.

How about you? Do you that get red line in your eyes because of hours of reading?

Reading Take #00

I love reading, and I feel like a broken record when I say that. I have a lot of thoughts about books, reading, bookshops and stuff like that. So I'll start a series of posts about these things, because it'd be better to do it this way. I'll be able to voice out my thoughts and keep track of them.

This is simply an introductory post, so expect the first Reading Take very soon. :) I'm excited, are you?!

Yours,
Noor

The Idiot - Fyodor Dosteovesky

I finally wanted to read a classic because it's been ages since I read one. The Idiot was a very social novel focusing a lot on the Russian society back then. The idiot, Prince Myshkin, has just returned to Russia from Europe where he spent most of his life being treated there for epilepsy. He's a kind soul and very truthful. While he's in Russia he meets all sorts of interesting characters, specially the Espachins. I won't go into much detail but I love the Espachin family. They're just like a family you would find in today's world and you can definitely relate them to the madness of your own family (if they were mad that is). They're passionate and just unique. I felt that these most interesting characters made up somewhat for what the novel lacked which was a good plot, I know Dostoevsky was trying to say something about the Russian society but I felt that he could have done more with it, or I suppose he simply didn't because he wanted it like that. I really love the Russian society back then, I've only read 4 novels so far about that time but I just love love love the characters and their passion. How they can be very whimsical and very determined. It's very different from the classics about English society, though that has its own charm, but it's less about the language and more about ideas, people, the soul and how they always seem to be discussing how Russia could be better.
Crime and Punishment and The Brothers Karamazov were far better in my opinion. I'm not all that disappointed because I had no expectations of it to begin with but I can't help thinking it didn't measure up to Dostoevsky.

Quotes:
"But people will laugh at all sorts of things".
Page 127

"If he's alive he has everything in his power! Whose fault is it he doesn't understand that?"
Page 367

"But I'll add, that there is something at the bottom of every new human thought, every thought of genius, or even every earnest thought that springs up in any brain, which can never be communicated to others, even if one were to write volumes about it and were explaining one's idea for thirty-five years; there's something left which cannot be induced to emerge from your brain, and remains with you forever; and with it you will die, without communicating to anyone perhaps the most important of your ideas."
Page 368

"One can't understand everything at once, we can't begin with perfection all at once! In order to reach perfection one must begin by being ignorant of a great deal. And if we understand things too quickly, perhaps we shan't understand them thoroughly"
Page 518

My rating: 3/5

To the future

I'm tired and I should be in bed reading but here I am.
Our first midterm is tomorrow, so I guess that explains the state of nervousness I'm in, though the real anxiety will be tomorrow 5 minutes before the exam when even my stomach dreads it and it starts hurting.

I want to read continuously for hours, something that takes me to another world and makes me want to be a better person, something that is like no other, that will make me want to smile secretly to myself.

I want to watch a movie, any movie without feeling guilty.

I want to have long endless conversations about silly things, all night long with my sister... Then deciding we'll stop only to start again and go like that till it's nearly dawn!

I want to stop feeling like I always always have to prove myself to people, like whatever I do isn't enough. That guilt of having wasted some time only to think that I could have used that time to study to live up to the expectations I have of myself, and others have of me.

I want to live without thinking a step ahead, calculating every move and every word how they'll be understood and how they might get misunderstood, how to behave, talk, eat and even laugh. I've had it.

I want to do whatever I feel like without fearing people will be offended, that they may feel I'm neglecting them because I sometimes don't spend time with them, because I spend time with other people, because... because... because... Sometimes people will feel offended no matter what you do.

I want to be free from all of these worries.
I want to be free.

Dear mom

I didn't help out with house work all last year because I was a 12th grader who shouldn't do anything but study. Of course that and the fact that mom absolutely refused us helping her and taking away our precious time. Now we're 1st year medicine students and mom still won't let us even wash the lunch dishes. Of course our course is unbelievably demanding, but we knew what we signed up for. Exams are continuous and you have to study all the time, or most of the time anyways.
Sometimes we insist on at least washing the dishes because we honestly feel guilty about not doing anything. The clothes are left there hanging from weekend to the next till mom comes and gathers them without complaint, the room is always messy and she tidies it restlessly. I could go on and on about all the things she does and I'm sure I'd miss so many because we really don't pay attention and we're ungrateful people.
Mom would all the time say no to help, sometimes because she doesn't want us to waste time and sometimes.... sometimes it's for different reasons. One of them is this:
One day mom was going out to a gathering with family friends. She wanted to iron her scarf, I immediately volunteered. 'Mom, give it to me I'll do it'. She declined and said she could do it herself, I insisted wanting to do something for her. She finally gave way. I began the piece-of-cake task. It was a silk scarf so I knew I had to be careful, and I was. However the side I was ironing it on wasn't getting ironed as it should, so I turned it to the side and just as I put the ironer on it was burned. So quickly! Luckily it was only a little spot. I went and showed it to her, and she was like 'That's why I like to do things on my own.' Of course, after a while she came and apologized saying it was ok and she wasn't mad.

Yet, we still insist out of a need to help. I always want to help but not that often actually help, then when I get in the way which I always end up doing mom keeps trying to move around me and I feel her exasperation so I simply leave.

Another is when I try to help her with preparing lunch. She makes everything perfect while I keep on asking a million questions. She'd ask a simple request like put some oil on the pan, so I start pouring it and keep asking every second 'Mom, is this enough?'. And the problem is that I don't ask, I nag. I have this compulsive need to make sure what I'm doing is correct which annoys everyone around me.
Other examples are when she asks me to mop the floor, or more like when she starts mopping the floor and I go and insist I do it, then after I'm done she'll do it after me! That's frustrating really. Or when she started washing the clothes, and I walk into the bathroom demanding her to leave now because it's my job in the house to wash the clothes. She'd resist but then I get to the point of kicking her out. :P

Moms! You can never ever ever live without them. I'm beginning to appreciate that fact now when we live on our own and get to see my parents only during the weekends. So mom, even though I suck at helping you, you rock! You never ever get tired from fulfilling our endless needs, and you always make everything seem so easy while it's very hard.