Friday, January 29, 2010

Thoughts


Thoughts running around my head needing to come out. I try to let them out, but I always manage to say what I want to say the wrong way, at least here, it's better.
I need to vent out. So if this comes across as random or pointless, bear with me, it's been building up for a while now, and it's time to let it out.

12th grade isn't the jolliest experience one goes through. I truly tried to make this year the best one (and am still trying) but I don't think it'll be as awesome as people say it should be. I've probably had more drama happening this year more than any other, and I'm not trying to be mysterious or anything but I'm trying to let it go.
Studying does suck one's soul out, I mean let's face it I am a fairly boring person, if you don't like books, then I'll probably try talking about movies, if not I'll say stuff you probably won't relate to. I don't know if I'm being too harsh on myself, but it's true. I've noticed it while talking to girls at school, if they're my good friends then ok we can talk about anything, but if not then no. I don't mind that much really. Hmm, see? I just did that. Blah! Let's move on...

So the 'whatever-they're-called-kind-of-stupid-10-marks-exams' are coming soon. The whole thing is just stupid, it makes me want to go like 'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah' and bang my head on a wall. They're in about a month, don't know exactly when and the time table isn't out, and there's a possibility of it being surprising exams, like without a timetable, so go figure.
I don't want to dwell on that much, but it's just all so frustrating. And studying is....! Well, you study and study and then do like me last Wed. mess up a short Math quiz. I was so depressed after that, I still am a bit, and what makes it worse is that I've had enough time this weekend to ponder over the mistake and drown in misery (not lit. but said for a dramatic effect), the teacher will probably make it worse this Sat. but I won't let her get to me, I just hate it though when people lecture you things you already figured out for yourself.
It's just that sometimes you think no matter how much you study it won't be enough, or worse that you think you're not doing your best and then getting depressed by the feeling that you're not doing your best. It's just hard. There! And I can't wake up at 5! I JUST CAN'T.

Gosh, *looks at the post* that's probably the darkest post I've ever written but hey, that's to remember this time of my life. I'm not as depressed as I sound though, but this is needed to just vent.

But no matter what, I'm keeping the good spirit, and inshallah it'll be ok. :)

7 comments:

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Knee said...

Hey! I missed this post :( I'm so sorry you're feeling down, reading my blog you'd know I was even more than you, I usually vent on bad things, I want you to know that venting only online is way better that what I do. Guess PMSing it was.

I'm not going to tell you you're a great person, nor I know how you feel nor you'll be alright..

The only thing I can say here is this: I love you :) You got people who love you!
<3 faith!

Rohit said...

Lol is that really you Noor? Always so calm, nice, quiet, etc..or maybe not? Hehe don't worry about this it's so common. Happens to us all. When I was in 12th grade, I wished it ended soon. Now I regret it has so much. Am sure many people would have told you this. But really, growing up isn't as exciting as it appears. There are so much responsibilities, pressure of every kind...can be a lot more frustrating.

As for those who pester and lecture you, there's a reason God gave us two ears...listen with one and let it go straight out of the other. Your brain is way too smart and valuable to process this crap anyway :P

You made me nostalgic now. This is exactly how I felt, but more in 10th than 12th grade. Childhood is nice. I wish we had it twice! x-)

Noor said...

@Anonymous thanks for ur comment. :)

@Knee: Thank you. Really, you made me feel so much better. I appreciate it, and I don't know what to say amiga. <3

@Rohit: yeah well, I don't deal with pressure very well. I get edgy kind of, that's why I hate school, and exams are coming up and it's the last year of school etc. so you get the picture. If I could change one thing, it'd be senior year and how it works, focusing on grades doesn't get you to actually enjoy it... But hey at least I am trying to get the best of it, and it's not all that bad actually....

And thank you for ur commentario amigo! Hope ur doing great...

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