Friday, January 29, 2010
Thoughts running around my head needing to come out. I try to let them out, but I always manage to say what I want to say the wrong way, at least here, it's better.
I need to vent out. So if this comes across as random or pointless, bear with me, it's been building up for a while now, and it's time to let it out.
12th grade isn't the jolliest experience one goes through. I truly tried to make this year the best one (and am still trying) but I don't think it'll be as awesome as people say it should be. I've probably had more drama happening this year more than any other, and I'm not trying to be mysterious or anything but I'm trying to let it go.
Studying does suck one's soul out, I mean let's face it I am a fairly boring person, if you don't like books, then I'll probably try talking about movies, if not I'll say stuff you probably won't relate to. I don't know if I'm being too harsh on myself, but it's true. I've noticed it while talking to girls at school, if they're my good friends then ok we can talk about anything, but if not then no. I don't mind that much really. Hmm, see? I just did that. Blah! Let's move on...
So the 'whatever-they're-called-kind-of-stupid-10-marks-exams' are coming soon. The whole thing is just stupid, it makes me want to go like 'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah' and bang my head on a wall. They're in about a month, don't know exactly when and the time table isn't out, and there's a possibility of it being surprising exams, like without a timetable, so go figure.
I don't want to dwell on that much, but it's just all so frustrating. And studying is....! Well, you study and study and then do like me last Wed. mess up a short Math quiz. I was so depressed after that, I still am a bit, and what makes it worse is that I've had enough time this weekend to ponder over the mistake and drown in misery (not lit. but said for a dramatic effect), the teacher will probably make it worse this Sat. but I won't let her get to me, I just hate it though when people lecture you things you already figured out for yourself.
It's just that sometimes you think no matter how much you study it won't be enough, or worse that you think you're not doing your best and then getting depressed by the feeling that you're not doing your best. It's just hard. There! And I can't wake up at 5! I JUST CAN'T.
Gosh, *looks at the post* that's probably the darkest post I've ever written but hey, that's to remember this time of my life. I'm not as depressed as I sound though, but this is needed to just vent.
But no matter what, I'm keeping the good spirit, and inshallah it'll be ok. :)