Monday, April 20, 2009


I'd like to experience the life where you always need to have an umbrella in your bag
Never knowing when it might rain. Where I can sit for hours in the park under the huge, long trees and simply get lost in the book in my hands. Take long walks on the streets, and simply get lost between the people. Shop in a market, not in shopping malls. Be able to watch the sunset.
This is how I hope my life would turn out to be, some of these things I can have control over, and others I may not. But I truly hope it turns out that way. I do think I live in my head most of the time!!! I'm not a very dreamy person, but when it comes to the life I'd like to lead in the future, I have a very decided image.
What I struggle the most with is however what I'll be doing in my life-to-be. Is it so important to have a clear image of that too? Why can't I simply continue my dreaming without knowing what I'll be doing. Can I simply live life; reading, and taking long walks? That wouldn't do though. Because then what? I know the sound of such a life is certainly appealing, but I think too much of myself to spend my life in that somewhat idle way.
It's truly hard to contemplate what I want to study and do with my life. I talk about that a lot, but here is the probably the right place since there won't be any person going like ":O You don't know what you want to study? Well, you should by now!" It's frustrating how people react when they know I don't have a clear "purpose". The purpose, however, needs to meet their standards of what a "purpose" is. And that is, a major that you "have" to be highly interested in and want to work in that field. What if my idea of a purpose differed from theirs? What if my idea of a purpose meant me going off changing the world? I know it's become somewhat of a cliche, saying that I want to change the world. I will rephrase though, how about simply experiencing different things and making sure that people were affected by these experiences in a good way?
It is indeed too vague an idea to be pursued. Everything's so undecided that it leaves me in great confusion, I know there will come a time where I'll need to make a choice of where and what I'll be studying. I don't think you know how frightening it can be sometimes to simply think of the notion and of the possibility of choosing something to please others and ending up stuck with that. What makes it much easier to bear, is the fact that my work towards making my mark in this world is in no way connected to what I'll by studying or what will my job be. It's a huge relief to be fully aware of that fact. It makes my mind at ease.

I know I should have a clear plan ahead of me. I am an ambitious person, and I have enough personality to actually decide something and stick to it. However the realization of such thoughts is disappointing.
What am I to do with myself?

I'm not such a hopeless case really. I'm too positive to let this thinking get me down, but it is inevitable to be expressing this, to actually show myself I'm not the careless person I sometimes think I am when I think of my future "major".


Ashok said...

lol if its any solace, I have friends who will be graduating college this year without a clue as to what they will be doing :P

See the thing is Noor, we aren't in the same world the previous generation was. Opportunities have cropped up for us that the people before us would have never seen and will never understand. Things like economic recession and falling oil prices would dictate that they not take risks and do things that were time tested. But now its different.

The harder times are, the more we crave for innovation, people who can think and act differently. This is good because now we "discover" what we want to do rather than knowing it. It is exactly the young minds who don't know what they want to become, but spend time introspecting, who will act as the saviours.

Everything has a time and a place. You will find your way as long as you don't force yourself to think about it too much. So chill out, read books and keep blogging so that the wisdom challenged like myself will gain some insights to life ;)

On a more personal note, having known you and Huda all these years; you and her will do great no matter what you guys decide to become. She has a very steady and mature presence and you infuse life as a person, so its only a question as to what profession will have the good fortune of having you and her in its field :) Give entrepreneurship a thought too. If books are what you love, open a book store with a open cafe amidst a huge garden ;)

Ashok said...

The answer to your predicament my friend is that no one feels we should confine ourselves to one activity. Warren Buffet is not just a business baron but also a philanthropist and in our corporate culture, thats almost unheard of. So be a book shop owner and you can still be a doctor, teacher, lawyer, etc. You are right, your potential lies much beyond any of us can ever fathom.

But the mantra is simply innovation. For an illustrative purpose, a book store need not just be a place that sells books, but a meeting place for thinkers to formulate policies that help redefine our societies. It could be a place to encourage authors with potential to reach out to readers. You are helping individuals kick start their path to a life this way. And imagine the number of minds you can inspire the way the books inspired you.

The book store is not simply a business project but the representation of your mind, an idea so to say. Don't limit the idea by calling it a book store or something else. Heck just leave it without a name, blank. Define the idea as you go along the route. Attach names that fit the situation at hand and throw them out when it doesnt. Change the idea as and when you like, add to it, subtract from it. You own it, so you stretch the limits of your thinking and convert that idea into something that leaves an impact for everyone.

We have to face the consequences of our actions and unfortunatley enough nobody wants to appreciate something unthought of before. Our responsibility lies in not listening to them and remaining orthodox, but proving to them that even though the idea is out of the box, it works.

The infinite potential which we know exists will prove to all the skeptics including your parents and society that you can make anything work. Not just work, but work good. The single biggest enemy is our fear. When we begin to fear what other people might say, we fail to listen to what our conscience is telling us. Have faith in yourself and everything about you, even the confusion you are going through. Believe in it, appreciate it and keep introspecting into it.

To be frank, the answer is the confusion itself but let me not go over the line and bore you here :) Good day

Ashok said...

and am more than glad to offer comments. I can see so much progress in your thinking and the way you approach the situations in your life. Our little Noor is growing up **sniff sniff** :P Goofiness apart, I am glad to be here as much as you are glad that I am offering my unsought advise :P

Ashok said...

I am glad you are upto the challenge :) Its a tough endeavour I realise, but hey as Mr. Cohello puts it- Hope with such an intensity that the whole universe works overtime to bring whatever you want to you (or atleast something like that). Nothing is greater than the human will and determination :)

PS: Be an immature brat, be a kid :) Its perfectly fine :)