Sunday, January 6, 2013

A Storm

I don't know when I noticed that my words lost their usual warmth, became wary and dull. My arms which used to be quick in comforting are now paralyzed. I lie on my bed all day. I feel something looming. As you feel a rainy day coming, clouds begin to gather in the sky without warning and the air suffocates you. You wait for the rain, it might clear the mess but it might also cause irreparable damage as well. There's just nothing you can do about it, you just have to weather the storm as best as you can.

I sit idly, I think of how I've changed. I think of cutting all ties with the world before I make a mistake I regret the rest of my life. Mistakes are inevitable but the ones I end up making are meaningless, they're not the grave kind that teaches you something and they're not the silly kind that makes you laugh over them later. If only you could choose the mistakes you make. I wonder if that would make me feel better, but I doubt it. I'm thinking my way out of having to seriously think about what I'm secretly most afraid of. I might lose this ability to feel, what if I stopped caring? What if I woke up one day and found no pity in me, no sympathy?

I think I hear something. It's the first droplets of rain finding their way to my window. I'll sit this one through and hope I survive intact. I'll wait for the sunshine, it's bound to come no matter how long the storm rages outside.