Friday, January 13, 2012

One of the voices in my head

I stood in front of the mirror. I swallowed, I needed water. Stand still, I told myself. Look into your eyes. But they're so hollow and sunken. I covered my face with my hands. Then let them slide slowly to surround my neck. I was surprised by the strong pulse on the left side. I let my right hand drop. You're alive, this is proof enough. If I put my hand on my heart, will it be beating? I don't feel it anymore. Of course it is, just because you don't feel it's violent beating doesn't mean it's not actually keeping you alive. The stars are there, do you see them every night? I don't even look at the sky every night, isn't that sad? You use the word 'sad' too freely, my dear. There are more aggravating matters taking place around the world, there are those who will never hear their mom's voice again, those with no roof above their heads, those who are scared to even hope, they only have a God.  
Are we done here? Can't we talk about this while I'm staring at a book or while I try to sleep. Why don't you torment me then? Everyone else is tormented while they attempt to sleep except for us. Our head goes blank. Is that a blessing? My reflection troubles me. Don't you notice how I don't look at my eyes even as I brush my teeth. Now, don't tell me to smile. Do you worry that we have a split personality sometimes? All we do is disagree and I end up shaking my head at everything you say. Is this how it goes? One being the devil while the other is the angel? Do we switch roles? Am I always the voice of reason and you're the emotional one? Pray, who is who?  
I'm tempted to state the obvious; I don't know. Yet, we have that in common. Ignorance. Oblivion. Submission. Do you know what I want? You can't even figure that out for yourself. What now? That is your question, mine will always be 'why...?' Let's see who's answered first. Your question is too intricate, fate sometimes answers mine sooner than I expect it to. Aren't you lucky?! Hah. Go back into hiding, please.


Ammar said...

Will he hide and leave you alone?

Noor said...

Why do u assume that this particular voice in my head is a he?

I can't be alone knowing that even in hiding s/he is there. Right?

هَالـة said...

we always have this voice inside , no matter he or she maybe its you !!