Clocks

Wait. Music please. Coldplay is fine. Anything not too depressing nor too cheerful nor too thought-provoking. I need to lose myself into something other than the thoughts eating me alive. On repeat? Why not. There's a great comfort in abusing a song till it's so familiar you feel you're digging in, feeling every word he's singing. Discovering a different line each time. Losing track of how many times you played it. Singing out loud.

"Oh, I beg I beg and plead"
But I don't really want to. Do you hear that? I always sound needy. You hear me out then discard my pleas. You dishearten me when you do.

"Come out of things unsaid."
How?! I'm too scared. I can't be open like you. I try and find myself opening to everyone in all the wrong ways. Instead I tread carefully. The comfort of the things unsaid. Those that should be understood yet need to be voiced out. The dilemma. Please understand without words. You do sometimes and it's frightening. It's as if you're under my skin.

"Confusion never stops."
It will if you manage to find the magical button that shuts your brain off. We swim in confusion, we aim and we miss, highs and lows, arguments, apologies, frienships... Failed attempts at flying. Wait, how are you supposed to live again? Where's the manual that says who to love, befriend, leave, forget? Where's the map to guide you through it? How much are you supposed to trust someone? What am I to do? Where do I go from here? Help. Needed. Now. I can never understand life the way it shows itself to you. Never expect me to.

"Nothing else compares."
That one thing you do. One thing that makes you love yourself at moments. One thing that makes you believe in the world. One thing that makes you love people. That one moment you cherish. That part of your day you eagerly look forward to. That honest hug. That kind word. That smile. That generosity of spirit. That lightness of spirit. That unaffectedness. Honesty Understanding. Acceptance. Freedom. Belief. Faith. Hope. Fate. Trust. Selflessness. Courage. Time.

Special thanks to Nahla for introducing me to the song. It's Clocks by Coldplay. Give it a listen.
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