To Salima and Huda: letter 02

 Dear Salima and Huda,

I’m writing from the comfort of my couch (and the last part of this letter on a train). 

The other day I had a conversation with someone I’d just met who was telling me that he didn’t have friends, because he’d been unable to find a friend who adds something to his life, help him grow, and keep him away from the gossip and drama of other people. That conversation stayed with me for some reason. I feel like I definitely changed how I view a lot of the friendships in my life over the past few years, part of growing up I’m sure. Not all of my friendships mean the same thing (and they shouldn’t) and not all of them make you feel the same way (and they shouldn’t). And as you grow older, it is definitely harder to make friends. I’ve realised it more recently as I’ve changed 3 jobs in the span of less than 2 years.

I definitely miss home. I miss the people who know me. I miss not having to explain myself. I miss not having to try extra hard to be easy going and still feeling like I’m an outsider.

That’s why I thought how lucky I am to have known someone like you. A friendship that definitely has added heaps of good things to my life. And throughout the years, distance or time has not changed this. So happy birthday, and just know that we celebrate your existence and wish you all beautiful things the world holds.

Okay now, here’s my list:

1- I’m empathetic and I’m a good listener.

2- I don’t get upset easily, I take things lightly. (But once I’m upset, there’s no getting over it for days.)

3- I tend to be able to look at something from more than one angle. (But it makes me indecisive and also makes me bring the negative to a positive and the positive to a negative – just like I’m doing now).

4- I can always count on food to bring my spirits around. (Not sure if that counts, but hey, I say it does).

5- Can’t think of more. But the above should do.

All my love,

Noor 

To Salima & Huda: Letter 1

Dear Salima & Huda,

I'm writing to you from my dinner table with wilting flowers by my side. Writing letters has always been one of my favorite things to do, and receiving them is such a joy. Ramadan (and the state the world is in) inspires a lot of self reflection.

Being the last to reply says quite a bit about me. I live in my head. It's both a blessing and a curse. The bookmark I'm using these days says "It's lovely to know that the world can't interfere with the inside of your head." But that's not always a lovely thing, if the inside of your head is a dark place you would like someone to interfere with it.

Are we ever kind to ourselves when we self reflect? I think not. Your question about self worth hits a very tender spot. And to answer what keeps me up on some nights are thoughts of inadequacy, which I think have haunted my for most of my life, and by the looks of it, will continue to do so. I think it's human nature to always dwell on the cup half empty, rather than half full.

I spend my days either at work or as a professional couch potato. I feel in many ways blessed to still be able to go to work, socialise with people, and maintain that sense of routine, despite the drastic change this pandamic has done to our daily work. What gets me through this is the thought that it will pass, perhaps things won't be 100% back to normal, but what is normal. Life is forever changing.

Salima, I can't imagine what it's like to lose someone, and someone so dear to you and so young. Please don't be so hard on yourself.

Huda, you're currently my role model in life (for realz).

I'd like to end this by giving you both a task of writing a list of at least 5 things you appreciate about yourselves. And really think deep and elaborate. Not things that people appreciate about you, but things you often overlook but should be celebrated.

Love,
Noor